Time For Serenity

Picture the figurative home landscape of an adult child before the divorce of his/her parents. Often it is a home that is familiar, warm, safe and although there may be rooms that need remodeling and overdue repair needed in the yard, there is still a certain routine, and expectation of what is allowed in and out of the area, as well as what freedoms and securities are experienced as people move within its rooms. Now picture the figurative home landscape of an adult child after his/her parents divorce. Often it becomes unfamiliar, cold and dangerous. The rooms are filled with skeletons and things that used to appear hidden from view.  The yard may be filled with landmines that probably always have been there, but now they are likely to explode. People on the outside may peer into the windows uninvited, and it is uncomfortable to have the shades open now. The adult child who once had gone to his/her parents for protection and had learned to relax within a home wit...

When adults watch their parents divorce,  if they can grieve in a healthy manner, they experience feelings of loss , anger , bargaining , depression and acceptance. You will have to WAIT  for the topic of acceptance until March, but that shouldn't be a problem for you ACODs out there, because waiting is part of our experience. For the sake of analogy, but with hesitance, lest I minimize the reality and seriousness of an ACOD's plight, today we will liken an adult child of divorce's situation to a play in a theatre. For years and years the play has been showing in the theatre of community and family. The main actors have established their roles and interactions with each other.  The supporting actors know their roles and their lines and although there are different scenes and lines, there is a certain type-casting for each player and most scenes.   The play seems to be written with a certain end in mind, although the specifics are not written in ...

ON A LIGHTER NOTE When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. -- Thomas Jefferson

As your parents divorce you may recognize that you are depressed and need to do something about it.  Realizing your losses and seeing your own need are the first steps to getting healthy.  The other sources of help may be determined by your own situation and what assistance seems most needed first.  The effects of your parents divorce will be felt emotionally,spiritually, mentally and physically .  So the help you get may need to address each of these components as well. In my case,  I seemed to address my emotional and spiritual struggles first. I went to books(which I have listed in the margins of my blog) ,  my pastor,  a support group called Divorce Care, and a counselor.  This provided amazing relief and clarity for me.   But I also realized that I needed to work on giving myself new mental stimuli, so I took a pottery class, just for fun!    I found that  physically I needed to take walks to help balan...

As an adult, I had experienced periods of depression in my life due to changes and losses I had experienced.  I had walked the dark valley of clinical depression with some friends and family.  But when the loss of my parents impending divorce began to "hit me" I realized that I had entered a new dimension in the way my body and mind and emotions were reacting.  What did I feel like? What do you feel like? How can you tell if a friend whose parents are divorcing is becoming seriously depressed?  The symptoms of depression are many and varied.  If you or a loved one are exhibiting any of the following changes, it is imperative to pay close attention. My first obvious sign or symptom was :  EXTREME SADNESS I did alot of crying, alot of my days, and at times had a physical pain in my heart, as well as low moods irregardless of the circumstances in my own life. Another apparent set of changes were : CHANGE IN SLEEP, EATING , ENERGY and CONCEN...

Can adult children of divorce find help and hope in the midst of their depression? Today we will just touch on what depression is and then look for more posts on how it manifests itself in our lives and what we can do about it. The dictionary definition is as follows de·pres·sion /diˈpreSHən/ Noun: Severe despondency and dejection, accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy. A condition of mental disturbance, typically with lack of energy and difficulty in maintaining concentration or interest in life. Synonyms: dejection - hollow  De pression is often a response to loss.   The feeling of sadness doesn't leave and causes it to be difficult to maintain our normal level of functioning.  This is often the case for those who have parents going through a divorce.  The challenging issue is that many people in the same family may be dealing with depression at the same time when a divorce of older parents affects their adult c...

Adult Children of Divorce are among those who celebrated National Marriage Week last week  ( Feb. 7-14)  !!  Every year during those particular days an effort is made to celebrate and promote healthy marriages.  If you are an ACOD who is married, or hopes to be one day, check out some of the wonderful hopeful and helpful links at the site below!!  I loved the Recommended Reading area where there are many great resources that my husband and I have implemented in our marriage!!  A Shout Out for marriage !!                                                                           http://www.nationalma...