Time For Serenity

Adult Children of Divorce listen.  They listen to their parents tell each ones side of the story. They listen to the friends and relatives who have opinions and questions. They listen to their counselors and the wisdom that others who have walked this road share. Adult Children of Divorce listen to their siblings and  their children share their own hurts and feelings.  And we listen to the voices in our own heads as we move in and out from anger, grief, acceptance , denial, and all the stages we go through!! I have been listening , too.   While I have taken some months to refrain from writing , I have listened to those of you who have emailed me.  I have listened to what others are saying and writing about late-life divorce.  I have listened to the statistics from those of you reading my blog : My stats page shows me that most of you are reading the posts I have written about grief, anger and the hurt that is felt as an Adult Child of Divorce. ...

Similarities abound as ACODs begin to share their stories with each other.  Never did I realize when I began this blog that I would find so many people with stories similar to mine.  Those who have emailed me or commented on the blog have encouraged me as much , if not more , than I hope I have done for my readers.  Thank you to those who have shared their stories with me and those who have read this site.  Unfortunately, we are not alone and if recent statistics are correct, our situation will be shared by many more in the future. Below is an excerpt from the last paragraph of a paper I ran across online. “Since 1990 the divorce rate has doubled among persons ages 50 and older. One-quarter of those who divorced in 2009 were ages 50 and older. Future research should address the predictors and consequences of divorce that occurs during middle and older adulthood. As the U.S. population ages, the number of persons ages 50 and older that experience di...

We have weathered a few seasons together as we have taken time for serenity amidst our sometimes chaotic lives as adult children of divorce.  I am grateful for each person who has read my perspective as an ACOD over the past few months. The seasons have changed since I began blogging and now I plan to enter a season of rest from blogging for awhile. I am not sure how long this rest will be, but while I take a season of rest , you may be finding this blog in a season of panic or shock or depression.  I encourage you to look at the subjects and titles below to find posts that may be of most help to you where you are today. Then come back and visit the site on another day when there is another need you may have.  You will find a bit of help and hope when you find time for serenity. Feel free to contact me personally via my email  serenitytime8@gmail.com   and I will be sure to respond.   **** Go to the main page and on the left to...

The Serenity Prayer for Adult Children of Divorce God grant us adult children of divorce the serenity to accept that things won't be the same in our families; courage to change things for the best when we can; and wisdom to know what is up to us, and what isn't. Living one day at a time; and handling one situation that arises at a time;  Enjoying good past memories and enjoying each present moment as much as we are able,  as we ultimately look to the future. Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace ; Trying to live as He did in this sinful world, accepting it as it is and not as we wish it were. Trusting that He will make all things right in our inner spirits and in the last chapter of our story, if we surrender to His Will; That we may be reasonably content in this life and supremely whole and in communion with God forever in the next. Amen. What adult child of divo...

Adult children of divorce have a hard time looking through old photo albums. We turn the pages and find people who look familiar. We know their names and faces and they have funny hairdos and strange clothing.  As we look at the pictures and see things we remember, part of us smiles and part of us cries. Although photos capture people at a moment in time, they represent much more. They represent shared life.  As an adult child of divorce one of the things we have to accept is that we can share life with those we love, but in a divided way and not in a united way like the people in the photo album. It has been said that a picture paints a thousand words,  or speaks a thousand words.  Photos must mean alot to people because we pass photos on from generation to generation.  We preserve them and we spend a lot of money capturing pictures of an event sometimes.  The person on the photo represents a thousand words and memories to us sometimes.  ...

Take one type of food or a certain combination of foods.   Prepare in a way that a special person has prepared the food for you in the past.  Eat it with others who knew the person or as you reminisce.  SERVES:  to help us feel "Belonging" Food links us to people in the past.  The stuffed mushrooms that grandma used to make or the fried chicken uncle charlie enjoyed remind us.  Just the smell , and for sure the taste, can take us back.  Food links us to people in the present.  The caramel corn that is Dad's favorite or the way Mom tears pieces of bread and puts them in her chicken soup as she eats it, give us familiarity and a sense of understanding other people , as they understand you .  We belong in the kitchen, we belong at the table with our memories of the past and we belong with the family members of the present.  Flavors and memories are woven together and are part of a family's identity.  We a...

Often holiday traditions are consistent and ingrained in family celebrations, and you really don't think much about them until you become an Adult Child of Divorce.  There is an expected and anticipated element of how the day will be designed and of what the holiday means to us individually and collectively.  The routine behind the turkey being prepared with grandma's special dressing or the vision you have of the tree in the front yard decorated with plastic Easter eggs almost goes unnoticed until things change.  What really is a holiday?  A time to take a break from work and responsibility to celebrate either a person's birth, or a day of religious or cultural importance.  A holiday captures meaning in the significance of the specific day , but it also symbolizes a shared consistency and connectedness that is celebrated among family members amidst a life of change and difficulty.  It brings us back to the past and makes us r...