Time For Serenity

WELCOME:   Creating a place for Adult Children of Divorce of every age to come for a bit of hope and help has been a desire of mine as I have navigated the rough waters of finding my place within the aftermath of my parent's divorce.  The counsel I have found and from which I have benefited in the past few years is what I will share with all of us in an effort to encourage us that we are not alone and there is hope. May this place be where we can all go to move us toward times of serenity and peace within our circumstances.   ABOUT ME:   I am a 50 some-thing adult child of divorce who has been married more than 30 years myself. My parents divorced after years of what I thought was family closeness and no sign of what was coming. Within the past few years I have received wonderful help and counsel and I want to share with others who are going through a parent's divorce. You may be 20 or 50 and experiencing this change in your life and I hope we can help each...

Adult Children of Divorce heal.  We move forward.  We laugh again and have some hope for a happy future.  We walk , looking ahead.  That is what I experienced a few days ago.  I was looking for some old photos and spent time going through many old photo albums.  I saw photos of a once-together, happy family.  Amazingly, I could view these photos from the past without bawling and with actually feeling warm feelings of what we had in the past. I didn't feel like I was grieving what we lost, but instead I was able to be thankful for what we had. Moving forward felt good.  I was grateful I had come so far. Then....  I stopped in my tracks and began to move one step back.  I won't go into detail about what it was THIS time, but I think all ACODs know this phenomena.  It can be a new story you hear from a relative or past neighbor about something you never knew before concerning your parents marriage.  It sometimes is a pho...

  Adult Children of Divorce sometimes need to just keep going!  I was reminded of that last week when I took to the slopes for some winter downhill snow skiing.   I consider myself a fairly able snow skier. I like the slower , more relaxed trails, so the first run down was nicely comfortable.  My second time down I decided to ride the lift all the way to the top. Not having skied this particular hill before, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into!   The view from the top was spectacular , but when I looked at the slope, I knew I was not prepared!   But, prepared or not, I HAD to go down. So, I began down. Skis in the slow/brake position, to prevent myself from going too fast. And before I knew it I was head over heals, laying in the snow!!  I could not "right" myself. I was in one position on my side and just decided that I would let gravity take me down in that position. After a few feet of sliding on my hip an...

Many of us ACODs have witnessed the burning down of our families due to the fuel of an affair on the part of one or both of our parents. Affairs can sometimes be "explained away" to a child.  Reasons of friendship, having grown apart, or a new chance at love may seem reasonable to a child, although hurtful. As adults, we are familiar with the concept of affairs and we often observe it from afar in the lives of others, but when the many levels of deception, betrayal and destruction are experienced first or second-hand, there is a deeper clarity and pain. Since the discovery of my father's affair, and subsequent choices of his ended family as we all knew it, I have heard many people refer to affairs in common terms. They may call it a "mistake" or "just an affair".  Some say things like "all sin is the same in God's eyes" or they minimize the personal responsibility by claiming that sometimes people can't "help it". ...

When ACOD blog posts get a bit "heavy" I like to lighten things up by including a quote, cartoon or silly photo.  Here's to all of us ACODs whose backs are getting stronger!!  :)   I would rather have a big burden and a strong back,   than a weak back and a caddy to carry life's luggage. Elbert Hubbard

Adult Children of Divorce often have children of their own.  Our hurt and confusion of how to handle the divorce of our parents and the changes that occur do not end with us.  Our own children are affected and that in turn , affects us as well.  Below is an excerpt ( which I changed a little bit) that I had written a few years ago on a blog ( walking on eggshellz ) on a forum page.  This blog was an incredible encouragement to me as I felt I was not alone in my feelings as an adult who was in pain due to my parents late life divorce. My age ( 40's) did separate me from the others who blogged .  Most of them were in their early twenties and I have learned to have empathy for their struggle at that crossroads of life.  Although we related on many levels, my feelings concerning how I dealt with MY children and how my children dealt with their divorcing grandparents caused me to reflect in the following words. Several years and situations have come...

ACOD blog followers:  Happy 1st Anniversary!!  A year ago I overcame my fears and insecurities and committed to beginning a relationship with unknown people who may come together in our challenges of being Adult Children Of Divorce. It has been a tremendous blessing to me and I am grateful for those of you who have emailed or commented and just read a page or two of the blog. I sincerely hope that we have all gained strength in knowing we are not alone and courage as we share and read how others in our situation move ahead in healthy ways. Happy 1st Anniversary to the Blog !!  And blessings to the blog followers!!