Time For Serenity

Yesterday I had a unique experience.  My paths crossed with three women who have survived the pain of betrayal and broken promises.  Each woman has a different story, but their journey to wholeness has been an inspiration to me!! The first woman I saw yesterday was my mother.  Five years ago my heart broke each time I saw her.  Her agony was evident in every area of her life.  Her physical and emotional health was at risk.  We all wondered if we would ever have her "back" the way she used to be. To see a woman who had given all for her family have to endure the destruction of her family because of her husband's choices added to my grief! How could she go on? Would this destroy her? The second woman I saw yesterday was a friend I met in Divorce Care.  The support group I sought out was designed for people going through divorce. Although it was my parents ,, and not me, experiencing the divorce, I found the Divorce Care support group at my churc...

Adult children of divorce experience burglary.  Things are taken.  Stealing takes place.  They are violated.  The parent sees only the boxes they are packing to carry on to their new life.  The leaving parent views what has been given in the past as most important.  The parent who is "moving on" takes belongings, photos, family heirlooms, and they take SO much more!!! Adult children of divorce are left looking at rooms and spaces in their literal family homes, and the recesses of their minds.  The areas are empty or half full now.  They may be strewn with debris and bring a feeling of chaos and insecurity.   Even when they are cleaned, re-arranged , and filled with new furnishings, the memory of the burglary still haunts and changes the behavior in those rooms. Adult children of divorce have a lot taken when one or both parents decide to leave. If you are a parent of adult children and you are considering divorce, realize the eno...

When we are in pain , Children of Divorce , and others dealing with other loss, often look for signs.  Some people see "signs" in a lot of happenings, and others choose to look at life more objectively.  I have tried to have a balanced view of "signs" , understanding that some things have reasons for how or why they happen , but at other times, we simply can not explain something that happens, except for that it may be somewhat supernatural. Two years ago , right around Valentines Day,  as I was experiencing continued pain and adjustment to my parents divorce, I asked God to provide me with some sign of His love.   Something to help me know He was still there and there was still a purpose to all that was going on. The photo above shows you what I saw a few days later. The water in my terracotta  birdbath had become icy in a perfect heart shape.  I have never seen this before or since!!  The "sign" made me smile an...

  Adult children of late life divorce know what it means to have a family reputation   change.   What was, isn’t anymore, and we have to answer to that in our communities. Moving back to my hometown had been challenging.   There are good memories and bad memories that return as I drive the streets and visit the restaurants and places of the past.   Understanding that my perceptions of my childhood were not always what I thought them to be is hard at times. But answering to others in the community about my family and where we are today is one of the most difficult things I have encountered. My job takes me into the community. I rub shoulders with others who have lived here for a long time. I was gone for over thirty years. I am not the same person I was when I lived here as a child. Neither is my family the same. Yet often, people don’t know what has happened.   I inevitably meet people whom I recognize from my childhood or I make the “mist...

A book by me ,  for us Adult Children of Divorce.  May it provide what it claims : Help to get through , and Hope for the future.   Click HERE

As an adult child of divorce , turning the calendar over to the year 2014 causes me to wonder what this year has in store for me as I navigate the continued aftermath of my parents divorce.  I enthusiastically wished many people a "Happy New Year" a few days ago, and yet I wonder, "what will be new about it?" and "what will make it happy?" When my parents first divorced, many things were new. There were many new hurts, new questions, and new relationship issues.  Yet, on a grander scale, I understood that "there is nothing new under the sun" ( Eccl. 1:9)  My family was not the first to experience the effects of divorce, nor would it be the last. The road of divorce has been well-traveled, unfortunately.  But I had not been on the road before, so it was new to me!!! In many ways , a new year is similar.  Another day, just on a new page of the calendar. A series of days and weeks that is very familiar to many other minutes and hours of ot...

Adult Children of Divorce and others who have experienced loss , often feel conflicted at this time of year.  Holidays often bring warm , happy feelings and well-wishes, good food and gifts of many kinds.  For those who are grieving , the messages we receive from others may not match with the way we feel at the moment. Henry W. Longfellow experienced this on Christmas Day in 1863.  His wife had recently died in an accident , and his oldest son was serving as a Union soldier in the American Civil War, without his father's blessing.  Henry penned his poem "Christmas Bells" when he was feeling the conflict, of the hope and good news of the season, yet feeling his own personal loss at the same time.  Later the poem was put to music. I have always loved the sound and melody of the song, but only recently truly read and thought about Longfellow's words.  And I added a few stanzas of my own, as follows: I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their o...