Time For Serenity

The word Serenity caught my eye.  A new online site is committed to helping us achieve a little peace in our busy , challenging lives.  The quote below is what I read just a few minutes ago: "For many of us, weekdays mean being stressed, overworked and constantly connected, with little time for pause or reflection. When the weekend comes around, it can be difficult to de-stress, slow down and unplug. What we need is an oasis of well-being, wisdom and wonder. Enter Serenity Saturdays......"       The site encouraged people to send in photos of them relaxing, enjoying and taking time for enjoyment today. If I am to be truthful, which I want to be and try to be,  even though my name is Serenity, I must admit that the state of serenity does not come to me naturally.  My husband and family and close friends will tell you that often I am nothing of the sort!!!  When I began my blog, I chose the name Serenity because that is what ...

  Over five years have passed since I began processing my father's affair and the soon-to-follow end of my parent's 45 year marriage.  Grief was loud and dissonant as my life's sweet sound became a irritating and unpleasant ringing in my ear.  I knew as I processed grief and tried to reach out to other ACODs that we would need to leave our deep feelings of anger, depression, sadness, etc. and focus on lighter things. You and I  would need to learn to step away from the drumming of constant thoughts and emotions to hear again the music of serenity.      That is why I try to put a post entitled " On A Lighter Note" in my blog occasionally. A funny joke, or a light message of courage is all I can handle some days, when I need a reprieve.  Today I need that again.  It is not a cartoon, or a quote today, but today it is music. My fingers on the piano , relieving stress and listening to the harmony of sound helps soothe my re-opened w...

Adult Children of Divorce just want to blend in, but sometimes we stick out. As I arrived at the Christian Writers Conference I was recently invited to, my goal was to learn about what it takes to be a writer, what is involved in publishing an article or a book, and to just observe. Observe, blend in and quietly learn. I drove down the winding road toward the conference center, past a shimmering lake, allowing myself to breathe in the cool calm.   Walking into the room, I was greeted by a welcomed familiar face and others who were displaying welcome. Centerpieces of painting supplies on each table dripped the theme of creating, whether it be by brush, or pen. Realizing that the frog out of water down by the lake probably felt less uneasy than I did, I determined to act like I belonged.  These were writers. Real writers. Those who write for a living. Those who know how to pay attention to words, adverbs, sentence structure, and write many drafts before they a...

This little wren has brought me much joy . I have known all about him and his coming and going ( literally) and he has just discovered me!! Bird watching and feeding has been passed down through the women in my family. The enjoyment we get from seeing the amazing color and activity has helped us understand God.  Images of God caring for the birds ("Look at the birds,....your Heavenly Father feeds them Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26)  and images of God covering us and sheltering us with His wings ( Psalm 91:4) has made me watch these little creatures with wonder , realizing I am similar to the birds! This morning the reality became even more vivid. I had attached a window bird house/box to my home for many years , but this year a wren became interested for the first time. The birdhouse is unique in that I can look out of my window and see INTO the back of the bird's nest.  First , I began seeing a little twig or two in the empty box...

Telling the truth is something Adult Children of Divorce see as a lost art. Often before a divorce, during the process , and long after mom and dad separate for good, there is a string of lies on the part of one or both parents.  When I confronted my father on his lies, he said " Serenity ( not my real name) ,  Everyone lies!!"   Almost as if because it is so common, it should be accepted.  To me, lies undermine trust and credibility and I want truth. I want to be a truth-teller and to be spoken to , in truth. Early in my blogging I wrote a post that I have linked to , below. If you are struggling to know the truth in your situation,  or working to tell the truth,  or sifting through what others tell you , keep honesty before you!! Words are important.  Jesus says over and over in the gospels, "I tell you the truth".  And the book of proverbs, which encourages wise living, speaks often about telling the truth. Proverbs 12 ...

Adult Children of Divorce can't decide if they like calendars or not! You flip the page on your calendar and see May 9th and the ache deepens once again. That was the day you got the call that your mother was leaving your father for another man. This is a date you don't want to think about. You see pumpkins , smell leaves burning, and feel a cool autumn breeze . Later as you turn the calendar from September to October you no longer have warm, nostalgic feelings the way you normally do.  Instead, you feel a lump in your throat.  Last Fall you attended your parents divorce , and nothing has ever been the same again. Plans for Easter are made, but the whole time you feel unsettled and can't quite figure out why.  Then you remember that was the time you usually celebrated mom's birthday and now you hardly keep in contact with her.  This is a time you don't like to remember anymore. Remembering negative times and bad memories is common. Our ...

How many of us have looked at that old t-shirt in our drawer and wondered why we even keep it.  The color is faded, it may be too small or too big.  Misshapen or full of a few select holes, it still feels the most comfortable and is the wardrobe choice we go to when we want comfort, consistency and a sense of the familiar. To liken marriage or divorce to wearing an old t-shirt is not completely a perfect analogy, but it may work as we talk about late life divorce.  According to an article in AARP's magazine from November 2012 called Why Long Married Couples Split    one of the reasons we see more later life divorces is because of a change in the number of real or perceived life choices. Boomers live longer and like an old t-shirt, marriages fade and become less than they were in some respects as people age.  The colors may not be as vibrant, the "fit" may be different than before, and we may just tire of the look.  Boomers who ha...