Time For Serenity

You really don't think about the rings your parents wear until you become an Adult Child of Divorce and they don't wear them anymore.  You may not know where the rings are, or they may sit in a drawer that you look in once in a while, or they may be sold, but regardless, as you look at the hands of your aging parents, the wrinkled fingers are now strangely exposed.  What is a ring?    In other cultures, now and many years ago , it is/was a sign of a contract between families. The woman received a ring, the man and his family pledging to provide for her and she giving up her family to be bound to another by love and responsibility.  Over time, and throughout various cultures, the specifics and types of rings have changed, but the ring symbolizes a deep, permanent bond.  The shape is easily worn for practicality of a physical symbol, but also signifies being timeless, endless, whole and of continuation.  It is given during a public...

Adult Children of Divorce and others who have experienced loss , often feel conflicted at this time of year.  Holidays often bring warm , happy feelings and well-wishes, good food and gifts of many kinds.  For those who are grieving , the messages we receive from others may not match with the way we feel at the moment. Henry W. Longfellow experienced this on Christmas Day in 1863.  His wife had recently died in an accident , and his oldest son was serving as a Union soldier in the American Civil War, without his father's blessing.  Henry penned his poem "Christmas Bells" when he was feeling the conflict, of the hope and good news of the season, yet feeling his own personal loss at the same time.  Later the poem was put to music. I have always loved the sound and melody of the song, but only recently truly read and thought about Longfellow's words.  And I added a few stanzas of my own, as follows: I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their o...

When parents of adult children divorce, the adult children bear more burden and responsibility than younger children whose parents are divorcing.  Some parents take a united position in telling the adult children and encourage discussion and open sharing.  Most do not.   Some adult children are able to recognize from the beginning ( of the end of the parents marriage) that they need to carefully walk through the minefield of emotions and unexpected decisions that are being made before their very eyes.  Most do not.  There are many extremes and inbetweens.  But something common to all adult children of divorce is the impact that "things" will have or do have on them.   "Things" can be material objects,like a ring or a hand-written letter.  They can be "things" that evoke a feeling, like a song or a old photo.  "Things" can be a recipe or a lawn ornament or a place on a map.   In some ...