Nine years has passed since my journey as an Adult Child of Divorce began with a fateful phone call. As I talked to my pastor a few weeks later, he said something about "years" and I remember my thoughts screaming " Years???!!! I can't bear this another day! And things need to get back to normal by Thanksgiving six months from now, so we can go on as we always have!!"
His understanding and experience with divorce and how it affects families, gave him a long-term perspective. He was aware that huge changes in a family don't generally resolve quickly!! Although that view was so very unsettling to me, it was probably good for me to hear right away. Time would come and go and things would change and there was little I could do to change that.
Through the last nine years of grieving and healing and continuing to deal with the aftermath of my parents divorce, I have learned that it is OK to take our time, as adult children. Take your time grieving, don't try to rush it. Take your time finding the support you need, you will know when you have found the right counselor or support group! Take your time in resting and distancing yourself from all the drama, in order to focus on your own family ! Take your time in accepting new things and traditions. Take time to relax and enjoy your own life. Take time to be thankful for the things that are good. Give others time to process things in their own way and timetable.
I still hope that time will continue to bring healing to all the changed relationships in my family. People come to grips with things individually , in their own way and we can always hope and pray for positive change as our families experience later life divorce.
Nine months seemed like an eternity at the beginning of my journey. Now nine years later, I realize the gift that all those days and months has been to bring me to where I am now. Breathe deeper today, give yourself permission to wait, and rest in the fact that "there still is time".