Monday, May 26, 2014

Take Your Time as an Adult Child of Divorce




Nine years has passed since my journey as an Adult Child of Divorce began with a fateful phone call.  As I talked to my pastor a few weeks later, he said something about "years" and I remember my thoughts screaming " Years???!!!  I can't bear this another day! And things need to get back to normal by Thanksgiving six months from now, so we can go on as we always have!!" 

His understanding and experience with divorce and how it affects families, gave him a long-term perspective. He was aware that huge changes in a family don't generally resolve quickly!!  Although that view was so very unsettling to me, it was probably good for me to hear right away.  Time would come and go and things would change and there was little I could do to change that.

Through the last nine years of grieving and healing and continuing to deal with the aftermath of my parents divorce,  I have learned that it is OK to take our time, as adult children.  Take your time grieving, don't try to rush it.  Take your time finding the support you need, you will know when you have found the right counselor or support group!  Take your time in resting and distancing yourself from all the drama, in order to focus on your own family ! Take your time in accepting new things and traditions.  Take time to relax and enjoy your own life. Take time to be thankful for the things that are good.  Give others time to process things in their own way and timetable. 

I still hope that time will continue to bring healing to all the changed relationships in my family. People come to grips with things individually , in their own way  and we can always hope and pray for positive change as our families experience later life divorce.

Nine months seemed like an eternity at the beginning of my journey.  Now nine years later, I realize the gift that all those days and months has been to bring me to where I am now. Breathe deeper today, give yourself permission to wait, and rest in the fact that "there still is time".

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Top Ten Reasons Adult Children React Negatively When Parents Divorce


 
 
Top Ten Reasons Adult Children React Negatively When Parents Divorce

 

1.    The adult child’s sense of normalcy, security and support is taken away.

2.    The adult child is positioned between his or her parents and often a difficult decision of supporting one over the other is forced upon them.

3.    The adult child is put in a situations of answering to family and friends about a parents poor choices.

4.    The adult child often is a part of conflict with his or her siblings as a result of the parent’s divorce and the way each sibling thinks and acts as a result.

5.    The adult child has to answer to his or her children about compromising lifestyle choices of their grandparent and may watch as family values decline as the younger generation watches the older generations behavior.

6.    The adult child may need to make sacrifices in their own life to help and support a parent that is alone.

7.    The adult child may see strain and conflict in their own marriage resulting in the stress that the profound changes in the family have caused.

8.    The adult child may lose relationship with long-time family and friends when allegiances are made.

9.    The adult child will make their own decisions , as an adult, and often a parent will not respect that, still viewing their child as a child.

10. The adult child cannot feel the love of a parent who has initiated the divorce, instead, the pain is overwhelming, having come from a former viewed trusted, and loving parent.

 

Topics

JANUARY TOPICS : Help and Hope
Grief
Bonds Unravel
Pain
Anger

FEBRUARY TOPICS: Anger
Counseling
Bargaining
Triangles
Honesty
Depression
Waiting
Boundaries

MARCH TOPICS: Accepting Change
Forgiving Parents
Time For Serenity
Things/Objects of Meaning
House
Rings

APRIL TOPICS: Postcard
Holidays
Recipe
Photo Album
Pathway

JUNE/JULY : Reflecting and Writing Again

AUGUST:
Acods and Listening
Acods and Materialism
Acods and Identity

SEPTEMBER:
Serenity Prayer Worksheet
ACODs and Simplicity
A New Look to the Blog!!
Serenity Prayer Extended Version/Worksheet
Simplicity
Why do we Blog???

NOV/DEC:
ACOD Serenity Prayer
ACOD Fathers and Mothers
Things Still Aren't Right This Christmas

Grandchildren of Divorce
ACODs and Affairs
Keep Going
ACOD Forward and Back
Lord' Prayer ACOD version
Ripple Effect
Grief Revisited
Too Many Choices
ACOD Times To Remember
Telling the Truth
Behind the Curtain

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