Time For Serenity

You really don't think about the rings your parents wear until you become an Adult Child of Divorce and they don't wear them anymore.  You may not know where the rings are, or they may sit in a drawer that you look in once in a while, or they may be sold, but regardless, as you look at the hands of your aging parents, the wrinkled fingers are now strangely exposed.  What is a ring?    In other cultures, now and many years ago , it is/was a sign of a contract between families. The woman received a ring, the man and his family pledging to provide for her and she giving up her family to be bound to another by love and responsibility.  Over time, and throughout various cultures, the specifics and types of rings have changed, but the ring symbolizes a deep, permanent bond.  The shape is easily worn for practicality of a physical symbol, but also signifies being timeless, endless, whole and of continuation.  It is given during a public ceremony where a private relationship is

The idea of "our home" or "dad and mom's house" changes dramatically in the life of an adult child of divorce.  The home may have been a place of fighting and disagreements or it may have been a place of laughter and love, or some of each, but regardless, it was a place of familiarity.  A place of belonging and where we had a sense of security.  As adults, we knew that both of our parents would not always live there. We knew that they would grow older and move or die and we knew that the house is not the "home", that the people are.  We didn't think one would leave out of their own free will.  When parents divorce, one parent leaves the house and sometimes both leave. The leaving is not a part of death, it is caused by a choice and that is part of the reason that a divorce seems worse than a death often to the children. After parents divorce, adult children may experience their childhood home or the familiar home of their parents being

When parents of adult children divorce, the adult children bear more burden and responsibility than younger children whose parents are divorcing.  Some parents take a united position in telling the adult children and encourage discussion and open sharing.  Most do not.   Some adult children are able to recognize from the beginning ( of the end of the parents marriage) that they need to carefully walk through the minefield of emotions and unexpected decisions that are being made before their very eyes.  Most do not.  There are many extremes and inbetweens.  But something common to all adult children of divorce is the impact that "things" will have or do have on them.   "Things" can be material objects,like a ring or a hand-written letter.  They can be "things" that evoke a feeling, like a song or a old photo.  "Things" can be a recipe or a lawn ornament or a place on a map.   In some cases, adult children of divorce become involved in de

                    Change is good - - - You go first!!                                    The past posts have been part of a series on the stages of Grief.  I am hoping to get your input on what you would like to read about in the future.  If you can comment below, or send an email to serenitytime8@gmail.com I will be listening to your input before I write again. Thanks!!!  

After our parents divorce, we adult children of divorce move through many stages. Hopefully the stages move us toward serenity.  I have always been intrigued by the word serenity after I met someone who named their little baby Serenity after a long and difficult pregnancy with her.  I looked up the meaning and remembered the significance of that word and name.  Years later I ran across the first part of the Serenity Prayer and I loved the simple wisdom in the first few lines.  When my journey as an ACOD began, I ran across that prayer  and was immediately drawn once again.  The remainder of the poem became an unexpected find and the words were solidified in my heart and mind.  When deciding to write a blog, the name Serenity seemed perfect.  And now I pray that the word and the reality of it will be something meaningful in your journey!! The word Serenity means  "the state of being calm or tranquil"  and some synonyms are  "peace" and "composure".

The conversation I have been having with myself goes something like this: "WOW...why did I ever say I would blog about forgiveness?" "Well....forgiveness is such an integral part of healing for many people, regardless of religious persuasion, or the depth of ones faith" "Yes, I've collected, read, listened to and been told so many things about forgiveness and as it is related to divorce, that I don't know how I will be able to condense it all to write one blog post" "Maybe , since it is such a hot topic, I should just leave the post page blank..he he...that would help people know it is not an easy topic, nor one most people like to write about" "Maybe a blank page shows more of what I know about it, than a long post" "That really wouldn't be very nice to my readers" "You're right!" "Well,  maybe I will just write the basic ideas....but which basic ideas??  and whose??  which spiritu

In yesterdays Wall Street Journal there were two articles that remind us ACODs we are not alone.  The statistics were given that people over 50 years of age are divorcing at an alarming rate.  ( see Divorce Late In Life : The Gray Divorces )  That also means that there are more and will be increasing numbers of Adult Children of Divorce in coming years. They, like us, will be moving in and out of the stages of grief ( loss, anger, bargaining, depression...) and hopefully they and we will achieve a sense of the stage of Acceptance. In his book, When God Interrupts,   M.Craig Barnes wrote something that jumped out at me.  "Receive your life and leave behind the illusion" he stated.  Acceptance of what IS and what ISN'T.  I also am drawn to a passage of the Bible from Ecclesiastes.  In chapter 3, verses 1-14 ( NIV) the wise writer tells us that there is a "time for everything".    1 There is a time for everything,    and a season for every activity unde