After our parents divorce, we adult children of divorce move through many stages.
Hopefully the stages move us toward serenity. I have always been intrigued by the word serenity after I met someone who named their little baby Serenity after a long and difficult pregnancy with her. I looked up the meaning and remembered the significance of that word and name. Years later I ran across the first part of the Serenity Prayer and I loved the simple wisdom in the first few lines. When my journey as an ACOD began, I ran across that prayer and was immediately drawn once again. The remainder of the poem became an unexpected find and the words were solidified in my heart and mind. When deciding to write a blog, the name Serenity seemed perfect. And now I pray that the word and the reality of it will be something meaningful in your journey!!
The word Serenity means "the state of being calm or tranquil" and some synonyms are "peace" and "composure". That is where I want to be. Is it where you are wanting to go , too? If you are open to growth, then you are on your way!!!
In the Fall a few years ago I began my formal counseling to deal with the issues of being a new child of divorce as a middle aged adult. I remember being very nervous before I first met with my counselor. I was trying to keep my mind busy that day and decided to plant some tulip bulbs . The process was more difficult than I thought it would be, but I worked at digging a hole, positioning the bulb correctly, applying powder that would deter squirrels, and mulching to preserve nutrients . I was almost late for my first counseling session because the process took me longer than I thought!! The tulip bulbs were hidden in the cold , dark ground and all winter I wondered if anything was happening. Would there be growth one day?
The following Spring, the sunshine and the rain beat down on the ground in my front yard. My counseling sessions had taken up much of the winter and they were coming to an end. Before my last session that Spring, I went into the yard to check on the area where I had planted the tulip bulbs and I saw growth!!! There was a small, green stem poking up, peeking out from the spot where I had planted it months before!!! It may sound as though I am making this up, but I tell you the truth, and it was a sweet gift to my soul , as the Creator and Sustainer of the tulips blessed me with a message of hope !! With time, the right amount of protection and nurture, growth occurred. It is the same with us!
Look back on your journey so far and look ahead to see if you can give yourself TIME.
Do what you can and then wait.
Look back and ahead to see if you can provide PROTECTION for yourself , whatever that may mean in your situation.
Look back and ahead to see if you need NURTURE. Maybe it is the soil of counsel. Or the water of refreshment that comes from faith. Or the sunlight of support.
Instead of asking "why me?" ask "How can I grow?" "How can I be changed, not destroyed by this?" and "How can I use my pain to achieve a greater purpose?"
May you move toward serenity along with me -- It's time!!!