Time For Serenity

Adult children of divorce can become discouraged when looking at our family trees. Our identity is a part of those relatives who have come before us and those coming after us, and we realize , if we have not known before, that our tree has missing leaves and broken branches.  Adult children of divorce have unique damage to their family trees, but we are not alone in the fact that many trees have unusual growth patterns, strange and unwelcome fungi, results of outside or inner infection and disease.  We are not alone in the world of unhealthy family trees, but we do need to consider how our trees got this way, what damage has been done and now what we can do to make the tree as healthy as possible. For adult children of divorce our family tree suffers when our parents divorce. I was reminded of this as I recently looked through a photo album of several generations past. The people had normal problems and had tragedies , illness and hardship that sometimes is eviden...

The song  "Forgive" has been on my heart and mind almost constantly lately!!  It kind of gets stuck in your head and you can't get it out!   Maybe that is a good thing in this case .  Check out Sara Renner's website at sararenner.com  and listen to her song that reminds us that if we want to live, we need to forgive. Powerful and beautiful,  from one ACOD to others like us!!  Thanks Sara!!!!

Even though I became an adult child of divorce at the age of 43, I thought my identity was quite established and secure by that time in my life. A strong sense of self had been developed apart from my roots of childhood, and I had my share of personal accomplishments from which to gain a positive self concept.  Tasting some of life's painful experiences had given me an amount of maturity and perspective I would not have had at a younger age.  BUT.....  as the reality of my parents divorce set in , the realization that I saw myself as a part of "them" couldn't be ignored.  Seeing myself even more separately became a new exercise.  "Mom and Dad" had become  "mom" and "dad".  "They" had become "he" and "she" , "hers" and "his".  The language I used now spoke of it.  The way their lives became independent and compartmentalized made me see everything in a new, unwelcome, way. When my...

On A Lighter Note         is a little break from the serious posts and is sometimes just a funny photo or a thought that is lighter and more hopeful than some of the ideas that surround us adult children of divorce.   We all need a little laugh once in a while, or a different perspective while we go through the grieving process.  Enjoy  the On A Lighter Note feature !!   :) Hopefully you won't make this mistake!!     Talk to someone , face to face today, about how things are going as an ACOD.   Find a good listener,  and unbottle the emotions!!     It will be good for your soul!!!

Materialism is an issue that everyone has to face...not only adult children of divorce, but is the tendency stronger for us?  And if that is true , what do we do about it?? According to research conducted and compiled by Tim Kasser, author of The High Price of Materialism there is a correlation between children who grew up in homes of divorce and the need for security which is manifested often in a higher degree of consumerism. His book covers a wealth of information challenging the idea that greater wealth leads to greater happiness. He proposes, in fact, that the opposite is true.  As an adult child of divorce, I realize that the statistics that relate to children whose parents divorced are different than the statistics that relate to children who are adults when their parents divorce. But my ears perk up now whenever I hear the word divorce, and I was interested in this theory and how it may relate to us ACODs. Kasser's reasoning seemed to go something like this: Whe...

When our parents divorce, we have alot to say!!!  We are angry , we are hurt, we feel justified in telling our side of the "story"!!  Is anyone listening to us???  Are our parents listening to us?? Often talking to a trusted friend, a counselor or pastor is helpful because in those relationships we are heard.  Not only by the ears, but also the heart. W hen we are heard, it makes it easier for us to listen. But why should we listen??? In his letter, James said: James 1:19-20 19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. and Paul , writing to the Romans, said: Romans 5:3-5 3 Not only so, but we [ a ] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to ...