Why Should ACODs Listen??


When our parents divorce, we have alot to say!!!  We are angry , we are hurt, we feel justified in telling our side of the "story"!! 

Is anyone listening to us???  Are our parents listening to us??
Often talking to a trusted friend, a counselor or pastor is helpful because in those relationships we are heard.  Not only by the ears, but also the heart.

When we are heard, it makes it easier for us to listen.
But why should we listen???
In his letter, James said:

James 1:19-20
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

and Paul , writing to the Romans, said:




Romans 5:3-5
3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Being quick to listen  and  being patient in our suffering are not things that come easily or naturally.  We have to work at it and receive supernatural help to do it.
But listening can have great rewards in all of life and also in the life of an adult child of divorce.

It has been said that we have 2 ears and one mouth for a reason.  And there is truth in the phrase "knowledge speaks , but wisdom listens".   In our anger, grief and suffering if we listen,   we learn.
We learn about others, we learn about ourselves and we gain wisdom and character.  This gives us hope!!

TODAY:   Try to listen better to all of those people with whom you come into contact.

                 TRY to be completely silent for 5 mintues in the car, or at coffee, or while sitting with a friend or family member.  They don't have to know what you are up to, but just respond to them with a listening ear and a listening eye.  Yes,  our ears hear, our eyes focus our hearing on the person we are with, and our hearts do the real hearing.

               TRY to think of more questions to ask the other person.  That way you won't be thinking of what you are going to say next, but what you can learn from the other person.

                TRY to pay attention and listen to expressions, nonverbal actions and feelings as you talk with others.  Sometimes these things say different things than their words and often they say more!!!

As adult children of divorce, there are good reasons for us to listen, no matter if we are in the initial stages of shock and anger,  or in the later stages of acceptance.  Listening always is a wise action that we can practice more and more. 

I would love to hear about how your listening has helped you in dealing with being an adult child of divorce.

Next post will be considering whether children of divorce are more materialistic than others.......stay tuned.....

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