Monday, July 22, 2013

ACOD Times To Remember

Adult Children of Divorce can't decide if they like calendars or not!

You flip the page on your calendar and see May 9th and the ache deepens once again. That was the day you got the call that your mother was leaving your father for another man. This is a date you don't want to think about.

You see pumpkins , smell leaves burning, and feel a cool autumn breeze . Later as you turn the calendar from September to October you no longer have warm, nostalgic feelings the way you normally do.  Instead, you feel a lump in your throat.  Last Fall you attended your parents divorce , and nothing has ever been the same again.

Plans for Easter are made, but the whole time you feel unsettled and can't quite figure out why.  Then you remember that was the time you usually celebrated mom's birthday and now you hardly keep in contact with her.  This is a time you don't like to remember anymore.

Remembering negative times and bad memories is common. Our bodies are wired to remember trauma or pain , as to avoid the trigger in the future.  This is important, but equally helpful is training ourselves to remember good things, thus balancing our memories and providing positive thinking during a difficult situation.

What if we ACODs decided to also focus on remembering that it was June 22nd last year when we saw mom laugh and smile after months of observing her anguish of divorcing late in life?    

Or remember that last Spring we began our counseling and when we see tulips and smell the spring rain, we will always think of our growth and how far we have come in healing?

And the first time you felt an epiphany when you realized "I can't fix this" and it is o.k?

As well as the time last week in the Hallmark store when you  looked for a birthday card for your mother and didn't cry or become angry, as you realized your feelings for your mother had changed since your parents' divorce? What if we remembered that!

Or remember the party, where when asked how your parents were doing, you could explain the divorce to an unknowing person, with a sense of strength and clarity, instead of crying.

As an Adult Child of Divorce, you can learn to like your calendar again. Begin this week. When you turn the pages this month, think about progress,  joy,  healing, and milestones you are making in your journey. Those are the times ACODs should remember!!

A Time for Everything  :  Ecclesiastes 3 : 1-8  ( read the whole chapter too!)

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

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JANUARY TOPICS : Help and Hope
Bonds Unravel


MARCH TOPICS: Accepting Change
Forgiving Parents
Time For Serenity
Things/Objects of Meaning

Photo Album

JUNE/JULY : Reflecting and Writing Again

Acods and Listening
Acods and Materialism
Acods and Identity

Serenity Prayer Worksheet
ACODs and Simplicity
A New Look to the Blog!!
Serenity Prayer Extended Version/Worksheet
Why do we Blog???

ACOD Serenity Prayer
ACOD Fathers and Mothers
Things Still Aren't Right This Christmas

Grandchildren of Divorce
ACODs and Affairs
Keep Going
ACOD Forward and Back
Lord' Prayer ACOD version
Ripple Effect
Grief Revisited
Too Many Choices
ACOD Times To Remember
Telling the Truth
Behind the Curtain

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