I have been avoiding writing this post in my blog because I realize that many acods maintain a relationship with their parents or even the “offending” parent after a late life divorce occurs. I want to encourage that and hope and pray that many grey divorces do not end with estrangement of parent and child. But in my own experience and in the lives of other acods who have written to me, or whom I have met, that is not always the case. Often the adult child or the parent chooses estrangement for many reasons. “Offense”, “sin”, “hurt” …call it what you will, but when an adult child has one parent who has made a conscious decision for months or years to betray the other parent, the adult child learning of the situation is often in disbelief. Hoping to understand, they talk to the “offending” parent, only to receive defensive language and behavior and the acknowledgment of hurt and pain caused is denied. Often a lack of personal responsibility and lack of feeling fami
Serenity Prayer Worksheet God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr of ACT ACCEPT What I can influence What I cannot influence ABDICATE What only God can influence The Serenity prayer causes us to seek the wisdom of discernment in circumstances and time…we have today…and the future….Today we plan activity a
It makes me feel bad that parents who have struggled in their marriages and have chosen to leave feel bad. I don't enjoy hearing about other ACOD's parents who are mourning the choices they have made and the losses they have had due to their affairs or their leaving a long-time marriage. Feeling badly is not something any of us like to do . ACODs feel bad because other people have made choices that are out of our control that affect us in bad, sad ways. Older parents who are divorcing feel bad because of their own pain and because of the pain and consequences that their decisions bring. As I have read and counseled and thought a lot about all of this. I have learned that there are at least three levels of feeling badly. Read and think and decide where you fit or where your parent fits. The first level is Regret. This is the feeling of being disappointed or sad about something that has happened or been done. It is related to a loss or a missed opportunity. The se
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