Monday, January 23, 2012

What Pain Taught Me

Hope and healing for adult children of divorce is the purpose of this blog.
Today my intention is to show you that your pain is not for nothing if you are experiencing all the feelings of loss and sadness that come from our situation.
There are lessons to be learned and personal growth that can occur.
Here are some lessons learned ,  so far.

After one of my dear friends invited me over to talk, she gave me a little card with a quote on it.  As I mentioned before, I had amazing friends who really tried to support and encourage me the best they knew how.  The quote spoke to me because after I had talked and sobbed, all I could think about was how things would be different from now on and I was grieving that.   The quote said

"  I can be changed by what happens to me.  But I refuse to be reduced by it."   Maya  Angelou

The pain I experienced and still feel teaches me that it is important to think about how I live and interact with others.   I grew in my understanding and practice of interpersonal skills , such as conflict resolution.  I am still learning, but I have had more practice in trying to gather facts, meet with people in person, getting help if needed and waiting.  

The pain taught me to accept help. The help of friends, family, pastors, books, counselors and others has been invaluable.  Their wisdom and advice has guided and given clarity .  Some of the help came in the form of challenges to my thinking and actions. Not always something I have welcomed, but it was helpful because my best interest was at heart.   I am blessed to have had wise counsel from people and I have gained it also from God's word.   Proverbs 8:14 records the Person of Wisdom as saying  "counsel and sound judgement are mine".  Counsel and sound judgement , coming from wise words and people are something good that can come from pain.

Comfort of friendship and personal places of peace has been a lesson learned.  In the learning of it through others I will always ask myself what I can do to bring that comfort to others. I am glad for that lesson.

And the last lesson I will mention, is the lesson of rest and acceptance.  There is just so much I can do.  The serenity prayer's words asking God to grant us the ability to accept things and courage to do what we can , and wisdom to know the difference has been a prayer of mine as I have learned my limitations in dealing with each of my parents and the fallout of their divorce. 

The lessons I have learned have not fixed the brokenness of the divorce. The lessons have not taught me how to right all wrongs. But I have learned to find purpose within pain. 
Beth Moore has written in her book So Long , Insecurity  "God has promised that His grace will be given according to our need and that not only will we survive by the skin of our teeth, if we trust Him and hang on for dear life- grieving, yes, but as those who have hope--we will also thrive again.  We can give ourselves to something greater than painlessness.  We can give ourselves to purpose."

TIPS FOR ACODS:
* Get physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual help for yourself ...it is not a sign of weakness, but of strength
* Try to not ask "why", but instead ask "how can I grow from this"
* Focus on your own pain enough to heal, but reach out to others who are hurting. We all have problems
* "Receive your life and leave behind the illusion" ( M.Craig Barnes)   It is what it is and you will get through





Visit again as we explore the issue of ANGER!!!!

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Topics

JANUARY TOPICS : Help and Hope
Grief
Bonds Unravel
Pain
Anger

FEBRUARY TOPICS: Anger
Counseling
Bargaining
Triangles
Honesty
Depression
Waiting
Boundaries

MARCH TOPICS: Accepting Change
Forgiving Parents
Time For Serenity
Things/Objects of Meaning
House
Rings

APRIL TOPICS: Postcard
Holidays
Recipe
Photo Album
Pathway

JUNE/JULY : Reflecting and Writing Again

AUGUST:
Acods and Listening
Acods and Materialism
Acods and Identity

SEPTEMBER:
Serenity Prayer Worksheet
ACODs and Simplicity
A New Look to the Blog!!
Serenity Prayer Extended Version/Worksheet
Simplicity
Why do we Blog???

NOV/DEC:
ACOD Serenity Prayer
ACOD Fathers and Mothers
Things Still Aren't Right This Christmas

Grandchildren of Divorce
ACODs and Affairs
Keep Going
ACOD Forward and Back
Lord' Prayer ACOD version
Ripple Effect
Grief Revisited
Too Many Choices
ACOD Times To Remember
Telling the Truth
Behind the Curtain

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