The Pathway




The Serenity Prayer for Adult Children of Divorce

God grant us adult children of divorce the serenity
to accept that things won't be the same in our families;
courage to change things for the best when we can;
and wisdom to know what is up to us, and what isn't.
Living one day at a time; and handling one situation that arises at a time; 
Enjoying good past memories and enjoying each present moment as much as we are able,  as we ultimately look to the future.
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Trying to live as He did in this sinful world, accepting it as it is and not as
we wish it were.
Trusting that He will make all things right in our inner spirits and in the last chapter of our story, if we surrender to His Will;
That we may be reasonably content in this life
and supremely whole and in communion with God forever in the next.Amen.


What adult child of divorce doesn't want peace?  But who wants to go through hardship to get there?  Our pathway as adult children of divorce is rough.
The road is rugged , filled with turns and twists we could have never imagined.
And it is a road that only we can walk.  Others who have walked similar roads will be our best guides, but it is a journey for us to take ; one step at a time.


My first blogs helped us walk through the waters of grief as adult children of divorce.  The next blog theme took us on memory lane as we saw what the true meaning is of some of our dearest objects and "things" that remind us of our pasts.  The items , such as our childhood homes, photos, rings and recipes, now are reminders of our hardship.  The hardship caused by loss of the things themselves, but more so the loss of the things they represent.  The security , belonging, promises and shared life of the past has changed.  This is our hardship.

Our sense of true inner serenity or peace comes when we realize intellectually and spiritually, in the depths of our souls, that genuine security, belonging, and connectedness, comes not from the outward circumstances in which we find ourselves, nor comes from the imperfect people around us ( including ourselves).  These things are subject to change and they are temporal.  Someone or something that is greater than ourselves and is not dictated by the same limits we succumb to in our earthly existence can offer us true serenity   in this life and genuine peace in the next. 

I have held to a strong belief and spiritual experience in the God represented by Christianity for many many years , and nothing in my life has tested this as greatly as my parent's divorce.  After four long years, I can say that I am convinced even more that God is just, loving and true . His character gives me something that transcends life's hardships and helps me realize that often there is more going on in my "story" than what I perceive.

I pray that your pathway of the hardship of your parents divorce will lead you to a deeper sense of true HOPE and HELP and PEACE than you ever thought possible.


Psalm 16:11   "  You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me
                          with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your
                            right hand. "

Luke 1:78, 79  "  ...because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising
                           sun will come to us from heaven  (Jesus) to shine on those
                              living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide
                           our feet into the path of peace."  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Adult Children of Divorce Sometimes Choose Estrangement

Image
I have been avoiding writing this post in my blog because I realize that many acods maintain a relationship with their parents or even the “offending” parent after a late life divorce occurs.   I want to encourage that and hope and pray that many grey divorces do not end with estrangement of parent and child.   But in my own experience and in the lives of other acods who have written to me, or whom I have met, that is not always the case. Often the adult child or the parent chooses estrangement for many reasons. “Offense”, “sin”, “hurt” …call it what you will, but when an adult child has one parent who has made a conscious decision for months or years to betray the other parent,   the adult child learning of the situation is often in disbelief.    Hoping to understand, they talk to the “offending” parent, only to receive defensive language and behavior and the acknowledgment of hurt and pain caused is denied.   Often a lack of personal responsibility and lack of feeling fami
Read more

Adult Children Of Divorce and Grief

Image
When I first became aware of the stages of grief, I assumed that I would experience it firsthand when someone close to me died,  not when my parents divorced in my adulthood.  As I cried my way through the first days and months of the shock of what was about to happen to my family of orgin, the pain was deep and unbearable at times.  Before the tears came readily and daily I seemed to walk around from task to task while hours ticked away in my day, as I functioned on auto-pilot, but my thoughts were consumed with the surprise and disbelief that my father had another love and would leave my mother and what we knew and loved of family to be with her. I reasoned that he would reconsider, that the affair wasn't as serious as it seemed, and that all would eventually be OK.  Little did I realize that I was experiencing the Stages of Grief due to the great pain and loss that I was experiencing.  The Stages of Grief are expressed by various words in different grief literature.  I wil
Read more

ACODs and Affairs

Many of us ACODs have witnessed the burning down of our families due to the fuel of an affair on the part of one or both of our parents. Affairs can sometimes be "explained away" to a child.  Reasons of friendship, having grown apart, or a new chance at love may seem reasonable to a child, although hurtful. As adults, we are familiar with the concept of affairs and we often observe it from afar in the lives of others, but when the many levels of deception, betrayal and destruction are experienced first or second-hand, there is a deeper clarity and pain. Since the discovery of my father's affair, and subsequent choices of his ended family as we all knew it, I have heard many people refer to affairs in common terms. They may call it a "mistake" or "just an affair".  Some say things like "all sin is the same in God's eyes" or they minimize the personal responsibility by claiming that sometimes people can't "help it". 
Read more