A postcard comes in the mail or a post comes on Facebook and an adult child of divorce reacts. A postcard is just a piece of paper with a picture and a stamp and a few short sentences and similarly a post on Facebook is just a phrase or two, sometimes with a photo, so why does an ACOD have strong feelings and reactions to them?
A postcard is the old-fashioned way and Facebook is the new-fashioned way to let someone know that you are gone and enjoying yourself someplace that they aren't. Usually the person vacationing means well and wants to share their excitement and new experience. And sometimes we are genuinely happy to hear from someone who is traveling in a place we have visited or hope to visit one day. And sometimes we are not really all that happy to hear from someone who is soaking in the sun down south, while we are chilling to the bone in the north. Sometimes we are happy , other times simply jealous and somewhat depressed.
That is kind of how I have felt as an ACOD and I know I am not alone.
As an adult child of divorce, you wonder.....Does "Wish You Were Here" really carry genuine sentiment when your parent is off with someone who is viewed as an interloper or meddler? How can our parent(s) want freedom, yet also expect us to be happy when that freedom comes at our expense and loss?
And do we wish we WERE there? No , not really ....not now. We used to enjoy making memories and knowing we were priority. Now, we feel replaced and seeing certain posts or postcards make us mad and sad.
A postcard is more than it seems. It reminds us of loyalty (and now disloyalty). It causes us to think of one parent being gone and not with us. It draws to attention that we are weathering a cold, dark, windy snow storm and one of our parents have chosen to bring that storm upon us in a sense and then not help us weather it.
So, if you are our mothers and fathers, please be careful if you send us any postcards in the mail , or any posts on Facebook. We just may respond "Dislike".
If you are reading Time For Serenity, let me know if you have felt left out or replaced since your parents divorce , and how have you dealt with it? Thanks. I would love to have your feedback. Hope to hear from you!!