Time For Serenity

This little wren has brought me much joy . I have known all about him and his coming and going ( literally) and he has just discovered me!! Bird watching and feeding has been passed down through the women in my family. The enjoyment we get from seeing the amazing color and activity has helped us understand God.  Images of God caring for the birds ("Look at the birds,....your Heavenly Father feeds them Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26)  and images of God covering us and sheltering us with His wings ( Psalm 91:4) has made me watch these little creatures with wonder , realizing I am similar to the birds! This morning the reality became even more vivid. I had attached a window bird house/box to my home for many years , but this year a wren became interested for the first time. The birdhouse is unique in that I can look out of my window and see INTO the back of the bird's nest.  First , I began seeing a little twig or two in the empty box...

Telling the truth is something Adult Children of Divorce see as a lost art. Often before a divorce, during the process , and long after mom and dad separate for good, there is a string of lies on the part of one or both parents.  When I confronted my father on his lies, he said " Serenity ( not my real name) ,  Everyone lies!!"   Almost as if because it is so common, it should be accepted.  To me, lies undermine trust and credibility and I want truth. I want to be a truth-teller and to be spoken to , in truth. Early in my blogging I wrote a post that I have linked to , below. If you are struggling to know the truth in your situation,  or working to tell the truth,  or sifting through what others tell you , keep honesty before you!! Words are important.  Jesus says over and over in the gospels, "I tell you the truth".  And the book of proverbs, which encourages wise living, speaks often about telling the truth. Proverbs 12 ...

Adult Children of Divorce can't decide if they like calendars or not! You flip the page on your calendar and see May 9th and the ache deepens once again. That was the day you got the call that your mother was leaving your father for another man. This is a date you don't want to think about. You see pumpkins , smell leaves burning, and feel a cool autumn breeze . Later as you turn the calendar from September to October you no longer have warm, nostalgic feelings the way you normally do.  Instead, you feel a lump in your throat.  Last Fall you attended your parents divorce , and nothing has ever been the same again. Plans for Easter are made, but the whole time you feel unsettled and can't quite figure out why.  Then you remember that was the time you usually celebrated mom's birthday and now you hardly keep in contact with her.  This is a time you don't like to remember anymore. Remembering negative times and bad memories is common. Our ...

How many of us have looked at that old t-shirt in our drawer and wondered why we even keep it.  The color is faded, it may be too small or too big.  Misshapen or full of a few select holes, it still feels the most comfortable and is the wardrobe choice we go to when we want comfort, consistency and a sense of the familiar. To liken marriage or divorce to wearing an old t-shirt is not completely a perfect analogy, but it may work as we talk about late life divorce.  According to an article in AARP's magazine from November 2012 called Why Long Married Couples Split    one of the reasons we see more later life divorces is because of a change in the number of real or perceived life choices. Boomers live longer and like an old t-shirt, marriages fade and become less than they were in some respects as people age.  The colors may not be as vibrant, the "fit" may be different than before, and we may just tire of the look.  Boomers who ha...

Today I remember Grief. He is a companion that comes and goes, sometimes unannounced and other times I know he is coming.  He has visited again.  And he is visiting others about whom I care deeply.  He has visited a coworker  as she faces legal issues concerning a late life divorce.  He has visited a family who is reeling from the unexpected news that a father and grandfather has broken vows of marital faithfulness. He comes and he goes and we must deal with him.    My journey blogging began when I decided to write about how Grief had visited me and how I had had received help to deal with him.  Please go to the bottom of the Time For Serenity blog to see the earliest posts I wrote. They follow the stages of grief ( shock, denial, anger, depression, etc.) and may be helpful when Grief comes to visit you !! http://acodtimeforserenity.blogspot.com/2012/01/adult-children-of-divorce-and-grief.html Grief is real because loss...

Imagine with me a pond.  The clear , still water reflecting trees above.  A sense of stability and consistency abounds.  Sounds in the distance resound like a whisper. Time stands still .  Plop!  A pebble is dropped off the shore and immediately there is movement. Circles of change begin around the pebble's imprint.  Creases of water move , slowly , but ever increasing and ever expanding.  Soon the outer ripples lap against the shore with a soft resonance.  Fish have been disturbed, a bird has fluttered away, and people have watched with eyes mesmerized as the ripple effect has once again captured those who are near. Imagining that scene reminds me that you and I are the pebbles, in the ponds of our relationships and what we do will be felt by others.  The pond is made up of close family, extended family , friends, coworkers , community and society as a whole.   Our pebble's effect can be positive or negative...

Matthew 6:9-13 is one record of the Lord's Prayer.  Jesus prayed!!  If he needed to, so do I!!   After teaching about rules ( Matthew 5 and 6) , murder, adultery, divorce, vengeance, enemies, giving to the needy ( and who says Jesus isn't relevant?) , etc.....he comes to the topic of prayer. He tells his disciples ( and us) HOW to pray.  The Lord's Prayer gives us a format. God knows I have spent much time thinking and praying about rules, adultery, divorce, vengeance, etc, and MORE since my parent's late-life divorce.  Here's my attempt to use Jesus' format to give an example of what conversation between us ACODs and God may look like.  May it get all of us started talking to God!!! Our Father in Heaven        Some of us have lost relationship with our earthly fathers or mothers and we still need what a father or mother can give Hallowed Be Your Name    Who you are is holy, set apar...