ACOD's and Simplicity


Profound statements come from the mouths of adult children of divorce.

Just recently while talking with someone going through the beginning stages of a parental separation the statement was made  
" What used to be simple, isn't simple anymore".

I couldn't help but think how profound and deep that statement is to those whose lives have changed drastically in the aftermath of our parents divorce. Planning a family gathering,  making a phone call,  sending a card, looking through photos, just to name a few things,  aren't ever the same again.

Today I don't have alot to add to that thought.  Just that what used to take little thought or effort, now takes alot of insight and work.  Maybe you are feeling overwhelmed by the perseverance needed now.  Take heart,  it becomes easier as time goes on , in some ways.   We also can treat our relationships in a way that helps them become more simple again , as we define our own convictions and boundaries . 

Simplicity in the life of an ACOD takes on a different reality , but it is possible to regain a sense of it through hard work and time. 

If you have heard any profound statements that you would like to share in how it related to Adult Children of Divorce,  I would LOVE to hear from you.  Feel free to comment below so any readers can take part together.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Adult Children of Divorce Sometimes Choose Estrangement

Image
I have been avoiding writing this post in my blog because I realize that many acods maintain a relationship with their parents or even the “offending” parent after a late life divorce occurs.   I want to encourage that and hope and pray that many grey divorces do not end with estrangement of parent and child.   But in my own experience and in the lives of other acods who have written to me, or whom I have met, that is not always the case. Often the adult child or the parent chooses estrangement for many reasons. “Offense”, “sin”, “hurt” …call it what you will, but when an adult child has one parent who has made a conscious decision for months or years to betray the other parent,   the adult child learning of the situation is often in disbelief.    Hoping to understand, they talk to the “offending” parent, only to receive defensive language and behavior and the acknowledgment of hurt and pain caused is denied.   Often a lack of personal responsibility and lack of feeling fami
Read more

Adult Children Of Divorce and Grief

Image
When I first became aware of the stages of grief, I assumed that I would experience it firsthand when someone close to me died,  not when my parents divorced in my adulthood.  As I cried my way through the first days and months of the shock of what was about to happen to my family of orgin, the pain was deep and unbearable at times.  Before the tears came readily and daily I seemed to walk around from task to task while hours ticked away in my day, as I functioned on auto-pilot, but my thoughts were consumed with the surprise and disbelief that my father had another love and would leave my mother and what we knew and loved of family to be with her. I reasoned that he would reconsider, that the affair wasn't as serious as it seemed, and that all would eventually be OK.  Little did I realize that I was experiencing the Stages of Grief due to the great pain and loss that I was experiencing.  The Stages of Grief are expressed by various words in different grief literature.  I wil
Read more

ACODs and Affairs

Many of us ACODs have witnessed the burning down of our families due to the fuel of an affair on the part of one or both of our parents. Affairs can sometimes be "explained away" to a child.  Reasons of friendship, having grown apart, or a new chance at love may seem reasonable to a child, although hurtful. As adults, we are familiar with the concept of affairs and we often observe it from afar in the lives of others, but when the many levels of deception, betrayal and destruction are experienced first or second-hand, there is a deeper clarity and pain. Since the discovery of my father's affair, and subsequent choices of his ended family as we all knew it, I have heard many people refer to affairs in common terms. They may call it a "mistake" or "just an affair".  Some say things like "all sin is the same in God's eyes" or they minimize the personal responsibility by claiming that sometimes people can't "help it". 
Read more