Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Being A Male Adult Child Of Divorce



I don't know what it is like to be a man and also an adult child of divorce.

Much of what I have read and many of those to whom I have spoken have been women.
Maybe we feel more comfortable in sharing our feelings or seeking help and support.
I don't know. But today I am wondering what it is like to be a man , who has seen , as an adult, the breakdown of his parents marriage. 

Years ago there was a train of thought that implied it was not divorce in itself that affected children, but instead HOW a divorce was handled.  It is certain that the way in which a divorce plays out can be more negative or more positive, but divorce in itself, in the best of circumstances, with the most mature individuals, still has great effects on the children , no matter what the age.

In the Journal Of Marriage and Family from Nov. 1985 ,  there was an article entitled  The Psychological Well-being of Adult Children of Divorce by Norval D. Glenn and Kathryn B. Kramer of the University of Texas at Austin.    The article was referencing persons who were adults now , but their parents divorced in their childhood. 
Several statements struck me, but two important ones stood out.

Their article stated that  "inferences of no important long term effects.....should be viewed with caution and skepticism". 

And it also stated that there were  "several statistically significant , estimated negative effects....especially for females".....

 That made me think that males and females must handle the divorce of their parents differently. My question today is for those males out there who have experienced the divorce of their parents while adults.   How has it affected you?    How have you felt?   What have you done for help/support?   Do you feel as devastated?  How do you deal with your mother and your father?  How do you feel about relationships now?   If any men are reading this blog, I would be interested in knowing how you are doing. Or if any women with brothers want to weigh in, we'd appreciate an understanding of what it is like to be a male adult child of divorce . Feel free to comment in the section below .

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