Time For Serenity

  Adult Children of Divorce sometimes need to just keep going!  I was reminded of that last week when I took to the slopes for some winter downhill snow skiing.   I consider myself a fairly able snow skier. I like the slower , more relaxed trails, so the first run down was nicely comfortable.  My second time down I decided to ride the lift all the way to the top. Not having skied this particular hill before, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into!   The view from the top was spectacular , but when I looked at the slope, I knew I was not prepared!   But, prepared or not, I HAD to go down. So, I began down. Skis in the slow/brake position, to prevent myself from going too fast. And before I knew it I was head over heals, laying in the snow!!  I could not "right" myself. I was in one position on my side and just decided that I would let gravity take me down in that position. After a few feet of sliding on my hip an...

Many of us ACODs have witnessed the burning down of our families due to the fuel of an affair on the part of one or both of our parents. Affairs can sometimes be "explained away" to a child.  Reasons of friendship, having grown apart, or a new chance at love may seem reasonable to a child, although hurtful. As adults, we are familiar with the concept of affairs and we often observe it from afar in the lives of others, but when the many levels of deception, betrayal and destruction are experienced first or second-hand, there is a deeper clarity and pain. Since the discovery of my father's affair, and subsequent choices of his ended family as we all knew it, I have heard many people refer to affairs in common terms. They may call it a "mistake" or "just an affair".  Some say things like "all sin is the same in God's eyes" or they minimize the personal responsibility by claiming that sometimes people can't "help it". ...

When ACOD blog posts get a bit "heavy" I like to lighten things up by including a quote, cartoon or silly photo.  Here's to all of us ACODs whose backs are getting stronger!!  :)   I would rather have a big burden and a strong back,   than a weak back and a caddy to carry life's luggage. Elbert Hubbard

Adult Children of Divorce often have children of their own.  Our hurt and confusion of how to handle the divorce of our parents and the changes that occur do not end with us.  Our own children are affected and that in turn , affects us as well.  Below is an excerpt ( which I changed a little bit) that I had written a few years ago on a blog ( walking on eggshellz ) on a forum page.  This blog was an incredible encouragement to me as I felt I was not alone in my feelings as an adult who was in pain due to my parents late life divorce. My age ( 40's) did separate me from the others who blogged .  Most of them were in their early twenties and I have learned to have empathy for their struggle at that crossroads of life.  Although we related on many levels, my feelings concerning how I dealt with MY children and how my children dealt with their divorcing grandparents caused me to reflect in the following words. Several years and situations have come...

ACOD blog followers:  Happy 1st Anniversary!!  A year ago I overcame my fears and insecurities and committed to beginning a relationship with unknown people who may come together in our challenges of being Adult Children Of Divorce. It has been a tremendous blessing to me and I am grateful for those of you who have emailed or commented and just read a page or two of the blog. I sincerely hope that we have all gained strength in knowing we are not alone and courage as we share and read how others in our situation move ahead in healthy ways. Happy 1st Anniversary to the Blog !!  And blessings to the blog followers!!

Beautiful carols, fine clothing, delicious food, gifts and more.  Christmas is for celebrating and enjoying God's goodness.  He sent His Son, Immanuel, God With Us, to save us and to make things right.  Try as we may, to capture the essence of this spiritual reality, it doesn't always seem so. In spite of health, family togetherness, and other comforts, this Christmas the children are grown and the childlike wonder is gone.  This Christmas sadness lingers from breakdown of extended family ties from the aftermath of divorce and distant relationships.  This Christmas new gifts were delivered with damage and the keeping of holiday traditions caused expensive messes! This Christmas the rain fell and roads became icy and we couldn't see the outdoor lights as we usually do.  My tooth has been sore and sensitive ( reflecting my emotions in an ironic manner) despite efforts to relieve the pain, so this Christmas I can only carefully enjoy the goodies. ...

Adult Children of Divorce usually have one parent who has been more influential in the breakup of the parent's marriage.  Sometimes it is mutually decided, but in my contact with many other ACODs I have found that it is very common that one parent decides to have a new life. Many other ACODs share that the "leaving" parent has made statements about finally being able to do what they want to, or comments that now it is their time to be selfish.  It is hard work being a mother or a father, but intrinsic is the opportunity to put your children's well-being above your own.  I can't imagine doing that for multiple decades, as I have only been a parent for 23 years , but it is my goal to do nothing that will put my children's well-being in jeopardy. No matter how old they are , or I am.  Often a part of the picture is an affair.  In my case, my father had an affair and made a choice that life apart of the family , and instead with his girlfriend, was hi...