Time For Serenity

Adult children of divorce have a hard time looking through old photo albums. We turn the pages and find people who look familiar. We know their names and faces and they have funny hairdos and strange clothing.  As we look at the pictures and see things we remember, part of us smiles and part of us cries. Although photos capture people at a moment in time, they represent much more. They represent shared life.  As an adult child of divorce one of the things we have to accept is that we can share life with those we love, but in a divided way and not in a united way like the people in the photo album. It has been said that a picture paints a thousand words,  or speaks a thousand words.  Photos must mean alot to people because we pass photos on from generation to generation.  We preserve them and we spend a lot of money capturing pictures of an event sometimes.  The person on the photo represents a thousand words and memories to us sometimes.  ...

The House, The Rings, Recipes, Photo Album, ....... As adult children of divorce, physical remembrances of what was , and now what is, can be very difficult. Look at some of my old posts and I hope it helps you come to grips with your new reality! The Rings The House The Recipe The Postcard The Photo Album The Holiday The Pathway

When we are in pain , Children of Divorce , and others dealing with other loss, often look for signs.  Some people see "signs" in a lot of happenings, and others choose to look at life more objectively.  I have tried to have a balanced view of "signs" , understanding that some things have reasons for how or why they happen , but at other times, we simply can not explain something that happens, except for that it may be somewhat supernatural. Two years ago , right around Valentines Day,  as I was experiencing continued pain and adjustment to my parents divorce, I asked God to provide me with some sign of His love.   Something to help me know He was still there and there was still a purpose to all that was going on. The photo above shows you what I saw a few days later. The water in my terracotta  birdbath had become icy in a perfect heart shape.  I have never seen this before or since!!  The "sign" made me smile an...

Adult children of divorce can become discouraged when looking at our family trees. Our identity is a part of those relatives who have come before us and those coming after us, and we realize , if we have not known before, that our tree has missing leaves and broken branches.  Adult children of divorce have unique damage to their family trees, but we are not alone in the fact that many trees have unusual growth patterns, strange and unwelcome fungi, results of outside or inner infection and disease.  We are not alone in the world of unhealthy family trees, but we do need to consider how our trees got this way, what damage has been done and now what we can do to make the tree as healthy as possible. For adult children of divorce our family tree suffers when our parents divorce. I was reminded of this as I recently looked through a photo album of several generations past. The people had normal problems and had tragedies , illness and hardship that sometimes is eviden...

In your anger , do not sin. When you are on your beds search your hearts and be silent. When you lie to each other you end up lying to yourself. Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry - but don't use your anger as a fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. Psalms 4:4,   Ephesians  4:25b & 26a,  Romans 12:18   The Message paraphrase of the Bible What does healthy anger look like for anyone, but especially an adult child of divorce? Last post I shared some of my extreme responses such as holding it in  and not talking about it and the opposite of  expressing it in violent words and actions.  The mime in the photo does a good job of showing us the ways NOT to deal with anger.  Today I want to share about the place anger has and how it can be expressed in a healthy manner. 1.  BE HONEST and ADMIT your anger.  ...

A postcard comes in the mail or a post comes on Facebook and an adult child of divorce reacts. A postcard is just a piece of paper with a picture and a stamp and a few short sentences and similarly a post on Facebook is just a phrase or two, sometimes with a photo,  so why does an ACOD have strong feelings and reactions to them? A postcard is the old-fashioned way and Facebook is the new-fashioned way to let someone know that you are gone and enjoying yourself someplace that they aren't.  Usually the person vacationing means well and wants to share their excitement and new experience.  And sometimes we are genuinely happy to hear from someone who is traveling in a place we have visited or hope to visit one day.   And sometimes we are not really all that happy to hear from someone who is soaking in the sun down south, while we are chilling to the bone in the north.  Sometimes we are happy , other times simply jealous and somewhat depressed. That is ki...

WELCOME:   Creating a place for Adult Children of Divorce of every age to come for a bit of hope and help has been a desire of mine as I have navigated the rough waters of finding my place within the aftermath of my parent's divorce.  The counsel I have found and from which I have benefited in the past few years is what I will share with all of us in an effort to encourage us that we are not alone and there is hope. May this place be where we can all go to move us toward times of serenity and peace within our circumstances.   ABOUT ME:   I am a 50 some-thing adult child of divorce who has been married more than 30 years myself. My parents divorced after years of what I thought was family closeness and no sign of what was coming. Within the past few years I have received wonderful help and counsel and I want to share with others who are going through a parent's divorce. You may be 20 or 50 and experiencing this change in your life and I hope we can help each...

When ACOD blog posts get a bit "heavy" I like to lighten things up by including a quote, cartoon or silly photo.  Here's to all of us ACODs whose backs are getting stronger!!  :)   I would rather have a big burden and a strong back,   than a weak back and a caddy to carry life's luggage. Elbert Hubbard

On A Lighter Note         is a little break from the serious posts and is sometimes just a funny photo or a thought that is lighter and more hopeful than some of the ideas that surround us adult children of divorce.   We all need a little laugh once in a while, or a different perspective while we go through the grieving process.  Enjoy  the On A Lighter Note feature !!   :) Hopefully you won't make this mistake!!     Talk to someone , face to face today, about how things are going as an ACOD.   Find a good listener,  and unbottle the emotions!!     It will be good for your soul!!!

When parents of adult children divorce, the adult children bear more burden and responsibility than younger children whose parents are divorcing.  Some parents take a united position in telling the adult children and encourage discussion and open sharing.  Most do not.   Some adult children are able to recognize from the beginning ( of the end of the parents marriage) that they need to carefully walk through the minefield of emotions and unexpected decisions that are being made before their very eyes.  Most do not.  There are many extremes and inbetweens.  But something common to all adult children of divorce is the impact that "things" will have or do have on them.   "Things" can be material objects,like a ring or a hand-written letter.  They can be "things" that evoke a feeling, like a song or a old photo.  "Things" can be a recipe or a lawn ornament or a place on a map.   In some ...

We have weathered a few seasons together as we have taken time for serenity amidst our sometimes chaotic lives as adult children of divorce.  I am grateful for each person who has read my perspective as an ACOD over the past few months. The seasons have changed since I began blogging and now I plan to enter a season of rest from blogging for awhile. I am not sure how long this rest will be, but while I take a season of rest , you may be finding this blog in a season of panic or shock or depression.  I encourage you to look at the subjects and titles below to find posts that may be of most help to you where you are today. Then come back and visit the site on another day when there is another need you may have.  You will find a bit of help and hope when you find time for serenity. Feel free to contact me personally via my email  serenitytime8@gmail.com   and I will be sure to respond.   **** Go to the main page and on the left to...

Adult Children of Divorce heal.  We move forward.  We laugh again and have some hope for a happy future.  We walk , looking ahead.  That is what I experienced a few days ago.  I was looking for some old photos and spent time going through many old photo albums.  I saw photos of a once-together, happy family.  Amazingly, I could view these photos from the past without bawling and with actually feeling warm feelings of what we had in the past. I didn't feel like I was grieving what we lost, but instead I was able to be thankful for what we had. Moving forward felt good.  I was grateful I had come so far. Then....  I stopped in my tracks and began to move one step back.  I won't go into detail about what it was THIS time, but I think all ACODs know this phenomena.  It can be a new story you hear from a relative or past neighbor about something you never knew before concerning your parents marriage.  It sometimes is a pho...

This topic has come up in my mind many times but today after paging through a magazine at the hair studio I decided I am driven to address it today! The magazine featured an ad for a TV show running on USA network called Satisfaction.   The photo shows a couple sitting in bed, separate and still , looking ahead with bored looks on their faces.   The tag line reads something like “ Are you willing to risk your marriage for it?” or something like that. I have not watched the show so possibly my reaction is over the top, but as those of us who are adult children of divorce know,   nothing ever is the same for us. Our reactions and perceptions are forever changed once our parents divorce in our adult years! My reaction was to become angry .   I wanted to answer that question in the minds of each person who sees the show’s ad. I want to scream “NO, your marriage is not worth risking for the feeling of sexual satisfaction that may come from a different relat...